what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize