we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
