I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize