I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize