well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
