I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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