yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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