My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
