I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
