did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize