mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
soo... how was my night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
