I can text with my tongue
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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