After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A+ Viking dick
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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