it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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