Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
