Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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