I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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