I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
