No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
