i was born a porn star she said
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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