I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
