I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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