Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize