Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
