I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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