i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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