Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
