all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
