It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
