Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
