At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
