Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
