I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
