Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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