You smell like stripper and shame
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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