I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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