Duck Duck Cougar?
no, he came in my armpit
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
