I hope mine doesn't look like that
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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