Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
