Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
