I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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