dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize