JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
