I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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