pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
