just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
