is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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