he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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