On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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