Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
