My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
