it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
