you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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