My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
