just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
