Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
