God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
