Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize